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Remember When 50 Cent Was Funny?

December 2, 2011

Last year, I started working on a post about 50 Cent that was pretty much looking to be a 10 page love letter. I was head-over-heels for the rapper, which might surprise most of you since my type tends towards the following: short, trashy and gay OR any combination of chubby giant, nerdy and Jewish.

Fiddy isn’t any of those — Well, maybe a little trashy, but not in the way I like. Not in the “I own every CD by AFI and go to Warped Tour every summer” way or even in the “I do dip” or “Yeah, that is a goatee” way. But somehow, we fell in love.

It all goes back to another obsession of mine, Twelve.

That utterly terrible amazing movie features a naked Fiddy where his (scarily) massive physique could only remind me of when he lost all that weight for All Things Fall Apart and my friend actually thought he was starring in a Dave Chapelle biopic.

The thing is, that assumption is totally legit after seeing the picture:

I would also believe 50 was starring in feature-length Tryone Biggums film.
Either way, just the mere thought of him acting in any sort of Dave Chapelle driven film was like foreplay to me. But it was when I started doing further research that things really started heating up.
Let me give you a quick rundown of what I discovered.
  1. He would only voice himself in video games. His refusal to voice a character in Grand Theft Auto lead to 50 Cent: Bulletproof where the gamer plays 50 Cent searching for vengeance against the person that shot him. In the game, 50 is helped by his crew Tony Yayo, Young Buck and Lloyd Banks. Dr. Dre and Eminem also play characters in the game. It was apparently so succesful it spurred a sequel, which is equally as ridiculous.
  2. He teamed up with Wrap It Up to make his own condom line. And failed.
  3. His dog Oprah has her own Twitter. He later got a cat named Gail.
  4. He almost put out a Eurodance album.
  5. I don’t even like Keenan Cahill, but my heart can’t help but grinch at the sheer awkwardness of this video (what up out of sync head nods at the end!).
I obviously followed my man on Twitter where I discovered more of his everyday humor. It was humor I could relate to. Humor based in vanity and self-appreciation. Example:
I could relate. I mean, when I don’t blog for a bit it’s not because I don’t have stuff to say. It’s so that when I do say it, you guys will be even more obsessed with me. Duh!
But now his Twitter is nothing but disappointments. All he ever does is promote Street King. I don’t care if it helps feed a billion people. I want the funny back!
50 used to post ridiculous pictures that I adored him for. Now all he ever seems to do is post pictures of himself with other celebrities. Who gives a fuck if you met Angela Bassett? Not me! And that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?
I’m still carrying a torch for Fiddy, though, but I can’t keep this up forever. So please, in honor of the late, hilarious 50 Cent will you put on some Whitney Houston and remember him as he should be: Through a slideshow of his TwitPics.

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