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The List 2.0: New Decade, New Dudes

April 1, 2012

One of my first posts on my old blog heartpinksky was entitled “The List.” It was basically a rundown of my main celebrity crushes at the time who were then each judged based on my top three criteria (short, trashy, gay) to help me find my perfect match.

You can thank me in the comments, because the list is back! This time I’m spicing it up by adding the possibility for bonus points in categories such as “Beard” and “Jewish.”

The first list’s winner, Charlie Day, is currently married to someone awesome, so there goes breaking up that relationship without gut wrenching guilt. Hopefully this round will bring me better results.

Now let’s take a look at the candidates, shall we? I’ve listed them in order from least suitable to most thanks to the helpful mathematic formula I devised (hint: it’s addition).

Josh Charles

Height: 5’11”

Trashy: 1/10

Gay: 2/10

Bonus: Jewish +5, Worked at Clown Dog +2

Adam Scott

Height: 5’10”

Trashy: 4/10

Gay: 5/10

Bonus: Geeky +5

Max Greenfield 

Height: 6’1″

Trashy: 8/10

Gay: 9/10

Bonus: Veronica Mars +3

Joe Manganiello

Height: 6’5″

Trashy: 7/10

Gay: 5/10

Bonus: Beard +6

Jay Baruchel

Height: 5’11”

Trashy: 8/10

Gay: 7/10

Bonus: Beard +4, Jewish +2

Andrew Garfield

Height: 6’0″

Trashy: 3/10

Gay: 7/10 (Mainly so high due to the mass amounts of pictures like this currently dominating his Google Image search.)

Bonus: British accent +4, Singing the Bed Intruder song on television +7

Chris Pratt

Height: 6’2″

Trashy: 6/10

Gay: 2/10

Bonus: Beard +7, Looks cozy +6

The Vampire Diary Boys (Ian Somerhalder, Matthew Davis, Joseph Morgan)

Height: 5’9″, 5’11”, 6’1″

Trashy: 9/10, 8/10, 8/10

Gay: 10/10, 7/10, 6/10

Bonus: Beard/Vampire/Brooding +6, Stubble +2, Accent/Vampire +4

Alexander Skarsgard

Height: 6’4″

Trashy: 8/10

Gay: 8/10 (Case in point)

Bonus: Swedish +1, Vampire who shops at Forever 21 +2

Donald Glover

Height: 5’10

Trashy: 6/10

Gay: 7/10

Bonus: Geeky +5, Matches his hoodie to his sneakers +4

Will Arnett

Height: 6’2

Trashy: 8/10

Gay: 9/10

Bonus: Married to Amy Poehler +8

Adam Pally (aka Max on Happy Endings)

Height: 5’10”

Trashy: 8/10

Gay: 10/10

Bonus: Beard +4, Jewish +3, New School grad +1, having this as his IMDB picture +3

Jason Segel

Height: 6’4″

Trashy: 6/10

Gay: 8/10

Bonus: Loves the Muppets +6, Cuddling with him would be like cuddling with a human body pillow +5

I don’t think Jason Segel’s win is any big surprise. Everyone who meets me knows he’s my main boo, but it is nice to have our love validated by a math. But how does Jason feel about this?

Just what I thought.




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3 Comments leave one →
  1. dee permalink
    April 5, 2012 8:21 am

    How exactly does quarter Jew Jay Baruchel get a bonus for being Jews, but not Jews Andrew Garfield and Max Greenfield?

  2. April 7, 2012 3:29 pm

    It’s really a great and useful piece of info. I’m glad that you just shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  3. February 21, 2014 4:27 pm

    For future reference:
    Actors of fully Jewish background: -Logan Lerman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, Bar Refaeli, James Wolk, Julian Morris, Esti Ginzburg, Kat Dennings, Erin Heatherton, Odeya Rush, Anton Yelchin, Paul Rudd, Scott Mechlowicz, Andrew Garfield, Lizzy Caplan, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Gal Gadot, Robert Kazinsky, Melanie Laurent, Marla Sokoloff, Shiri Appleby, Justin Bartha, Adam Brody, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Gabriel Macht.

    Actors with Jewish mothers and non-Jewish fathers -Jake Gyllenhaal, James Franco, Scarlett Johansson, Daniel Radcliffe, Alison Brie, Eva Green, Emmy Rossum, Jennifer Connelly, Eric Dane, Jeremy Jordan.

    Actors with Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers, who themselves were either raised as Jews and/or identify as Jews: -Ezra Miller, Alexa Davalos, Nat Wolff, James Maslow, Josh Bowman, Ben Foster, Nikki Reed, Ansel Elgort.

    Actors with one Jewish-born parent and one parent who converted to Judaism -Dianna Agron, Sara Paxton (whose father converted, not her mother), Alicia Silverstone, Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

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