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Thank You, Matty McKibben

July 11, 2012

If I’ve learned one thing during my twenty-two years of making planet Earth my bitch, it’s that TV boyfriends are the solution to all problems and foul moods. My current medicine of choice: Awkward‘s Matty McKibben. Why anyone would chose Jake over this fine specimen of man is inconceivable to me. My argument:

Need I say more? He’s perfection. I’d be his secret girlfriend any day of the week.

But let’s real talk for a second: I honestly don’t know what Jenna is thinking. Choosing Jake over Matty is like choosing Jacob over Edward in Twilight or — god forbid — choosing Robert Pattinson over Taylor Lautner is real life.

I mean, if Matty ever looked at me like this

I think I would actually melt. Like 50 Shades of Grey melt.

But things haven’t always been so rosey with my boy Matty. There was that moment when Season 2 premiered and I saw his jacked up new hair.

I thought to myself,

“Can I still do this?”

Then I was like, “FUCK YEAH!”

I mean, if I can love a guy knowing this is his vinegar strokes

I feel like I can love a guy with an overgrown, grease mop.

On second thought, that face really is pretty terrible. Maybe I’d just have to pull a Christian Troy on him — at least at the end.

Even if I am a terrible person, you just spent a few minutes looking at the most gorgeous guy on TV. So in the words of the only other Sadie I’ve ever liked:

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